Relocated to http://orientalfeathers.blogspot.com

][ m i x e d f e e l i n g s ][

There's nothing I could do,
except to scorn at you.
Your intentions may be kind,
But they're nothing in my mind.
I don't need a reason to feel this way,
Just accept the meaning of come what may.
Gain my respect if you want me to listen,
Once you succeed, my heart will be soften.
Because of you, my life has been fallen apart,
All I have is nothing but a broken heart.
Money could pamper me like a princess,
But it's impossible to buy me happiness.
I may not have alot of gold,
But all I could, I've given the world.
My heart is feeling all the pain,
I really wish for magic from the rain,
To wash away all my sadness and sorrow;
And I do not want to see them again tomorrow.
People claim that they care for me,
I can't feel, I can't hear, I can't see,
Stop all the preaching if they do,
Stop it stop it I beg all of you.
Let me choose my own journey,
And the rest will be destiny.
The day I will not cry,
Is the day when my tears run dry.
That will be the day I die,
Without saying goodbye.

- a n g i e - 1 6 m a y 2 0 0 3 - 20:38 -

Thank God I didn't drag myself outta the bed at 7 am in the morning to the library. Hello, it's Saturday and the damn lazy librarians will only be there at 9 am. Terrible. Can't the college do something about the library hours to make it more efficient? Saw 4 classmates of mine there. Terrible. I seem to bum into my classmates everywhere.

Visited ah jan's site.. Oh God, she's so beautiful man. If I am any guy, I would like drool over her like crazy. Is she interested in lesbians?! I love her eyes. So beautiful. Anyway, NZ seems to be a lovely lovely place. At least it's so peaceful man and the weather must be so cool.. http://groups.msn.com/JanChongsLifeInNZ/ 

Ah..Glenmarie Cove is so impressive. Yeah.. Artist impression again. And the online site www.glenmariecove.com.my is so lovely. I belong to Pisces, a water sign.. obviously love water right, but I am so afraid of dying in water. Drown or something like that. Weird.

Talked to a friend of mine whom I know for like 5-6 years online. Time really flies. I  can remember how naughty I was back in std 6; never listen to my parents and always potray them as some stone-aged people. Still can't forget that I was so addicted to irc and my internet bill was like so BAD and got XXXXXxxXxx from my dad. #)$*@#()$&!@!#@(#!&@# back to him!

I guess the best thing could ever happen to a girl is knowing that there'll always be this guy by her side supporting her even though he knows that she already has a boyfriend. How many guys could actually holdback their feelings just for the sake of friendship? How many guys could stay beside the girl, helping  her to fulfill her dream even her dreams is to find another guy? She's so fortunate.

How I wish I could live the fairy tale life that I have in my head. Seriously, it's so beautiful and none will ever get to picture. Ah .. the colours of the world; simply lovely. My dream is the only thing that can give me enough fulfillment that I need. My dream is growing everyday and no one can take my dream away from me. A man has no dream practically is a man who has nothing.

It has been nearly 2.5 months since I last came here to pour out my feelings. I finally realised that it's good to jot down somewhere your daily achievements/ups and downs... etc.. At least you feel that your journey in life is moving... not stationary. Later you may find that the obstacles that you once faced in the past seemed to be so small. Sit back, relax, and laugh about all your past mistakes... So nostalgic.  Ha-ha

Anyway, that's for warm up. I feel that I am not doing enough in life, not doing enough in my work, not doing enough for everything, not doing this not doing that. I've so many things on my head... SAM's driving me nuts. Yes NUTS. Maybe I worry more than I do and that's the worse part. Worrying is bad. Worring kills! Don't you think so? I need an activity which will make me feel complete, and I've yet to discover what that is.

I have tonnes of papers to analyze, homework to complete, assignments to edit, room to clean, books to read, old-edboard-mess-left-behind to clear, atm card to update, letters to write, audio visuals to find, people to interview, questionnaires to draft, things to buy and god knows what else! Actually I think I've still quite a long list.

Sigh. Nobody said that life is easy. Nobody said that life is a bed of roses. But what happens if I am good for nothing. Life is filled with uncertainties and insecurities. Nobody can guarantee me anything. Everything is a 50 50 thing. Same goes for myself. I can't guarantee myself anything.